I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
