now i know why i became what i already was.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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