I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
