Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
