Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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