So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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