seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
