My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
