You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
