Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
