dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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