Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
