you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
