She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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