Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
