we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I smell like Dick and happiness
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