i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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