you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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