he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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