So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
