God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
