There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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