And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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