I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
