I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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