arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
