There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
