The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
