I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
