Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
