What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
