If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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