Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
