my soul wont recognize me after tonight
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
