bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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