1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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