Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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