Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
