when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
