Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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