Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
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There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
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I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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