Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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