isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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