At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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