I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
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He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
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I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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