Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
