my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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