walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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