i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
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