i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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