I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
