I am in a vortex of obligation.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Randomize
