If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
