Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
