Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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