He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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