On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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