its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Your shirt... Was in my pants
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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