Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
