Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
