VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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