walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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