I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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