You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
