he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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