i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
